The hair-pulling, punching and name-calling among children can drive the most saintly parent to distraction. But, harassed mothers and fathers can take comfort that the conflict between their children might be good.

Research from the University of Cambridge has found that sibling rivalry and fighting increase the social skills, vocabulary and emotional development of younger brothers and sisters. The competitiveness acquired from regular spats appears to make the second child more popular and successful at school, and in later life.

Claire Hughes, Fellow at Newnham College, Cambridge, said that what might appear like open warfare was actually teaching children important skills.

“The traditional view has been that having a brother or sister leads to a lot of competition for parents’ attention and love,” Hughes said. “In fact, the balance of our evidence suggests that children’s social understanding may be accelerated by their interaction with siblings in many cases.

“When children are arguing, my research makes the case that they are actually benefitting from the confrontation.

“Parents who are being worn down by constant bickering among children should take comfort in the fact that their children are learning important social skills. Second siblings do better in our tests and children who have a better social understanding go on to be more popular later in life.”

Hughes’s study, Toddlers Up, has taken five years and involved the close observation and follow-up of two-year-old children from 140 families. A range of tests was carried out over five years that included videos of the children interacting with their parents, siblings, friends and strangers. There were also interviews and questionnaires carried out with parents.

The researchers found that siblings mostly have a positive effect on a child’s early development, even in cases where the relationship is “less than cordial”.

The exchanges between the siblings helped them to build what researchers called “emotional scaffolding” which helped them to recognise and talk about different feelings. Even where intense sibling rivalry was evident, for example with teasing or arguing, the exchanges still meant that the younger child in particular benefited from emotional language. By the time the younger siblings reached the age of six their levels of social understanding were almost the same as their older brother or sister.

However, parents with one child should not feel they are putting their child at a disadvantage, she added. “Conversations in the family are crucially important and it doesn’t matter what they are about. There is nothing more important a parent can do than talk to his or her children.”  

(Copyright:  The Times, London.)